Falling Down

Week 2- Day 1 & Day 2 complete, Day 3- incomplete. I was so looking forward to running this morning, but alas I came down with cold yesterday. At first I felt like a failure. I had been doing so well, and the thought of skipping a day felt like defeat. I didn’t want to be a failure, so I thought I should just suck it up and go running. But, I knew that was a foolish idea. And it was a foolish way to look at my situation. I can’t help that I got sick, that is beyond my control. But I can still choose to make wise decisions. I could have gone running, but I probably would have felt a lot worse, thus slowing my recovery time. I decided it was better to rest, and hope that I will feel ready for next week!

In the past, when roadblocks would come across my path, I would easily get discouraged and use it as an excuse to quit. This roadblock will be a good test for me. So instead of viewing this cold with disdain, I am choosing to view it as a challenge to my character. As soon as I feel better, I WILL get back on the road, and I will NOT give up! I love this quote by Basilea Schlink:

“Do not be lazy. Run each day’s race with all your might, so that at the end you will receive the victory wreath from God. Keep on running even when you have had a fall. The victory wreath is won by him who does not stay down, but always gets up again, grasps the banner of faith and keeps on running in the assurance that Jesus is Victor.”

Besides this cold, I have had a good week. On Monday I decided to ride my bike before going on my run. That was not the best idea because my legs felt like cement during my run, lol. Wednesday was great, I could really feel my endurance building! On Thursday, I made some calls and it looks like I’ll be able to put together a 5K event for my sister! I got in touch with a woman who has been hoping to put a 5K together for the special needs community for quite some time. She told me I was a God send, and I told her the same! It never ceases to amaze me how God works in our lives. He already had this orchestrated before it came to my mind! God is good! I want to thank everyone who encouraged me to look into this. It’s only at the beginning stages, but I’m excited to start working on it! To God be the glory!

Through Tears of Sorrow ~ Come Tears of Joy

Week 1, Day 3 - Done! Booyah!! Lol. I ran on my own this morning! There is nothing like getting up with the dawn, and watching the sun touch all of creation. Psalm 57 says it beautifully;

"Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; 

Let Your glory be over all the earth."vs 5

"Awake, my soul!....

                I will awaken the dawn."vs 8

My run this morning was a little emotional. I decided to play some tunes from Nicole's music library, High School Musical, lol. My sister was obsessed with this track! I used to tease her about it, and now I want to listen to it all the time. One of the songs, titled 'The Start of Something New', really hit me today. One line goes, "It's the start of something new, it feels so right to be here with you." I started thinking about Nicole, and how wonderful it feels to be starting something new that was inspired by her. I really felt like she was there with me this morning.

Looking back on this week, it's been rough. Between my husband being gone, our work schedules, and additional commitments, I completely fell apart last night. I do not handle stress well. And it seems that ever since my sister died, it doesn’t take much for me to have emotional meltdowns without warning. Again, I got angry over something small, and the tears just started flowing. Sitting on our kitchen floor sobbing, I wondered what I was so stressed about. There was just too much going on. I concluded it was probably a bad week for me to pick up running. But I’m not going to let poor judgment keep me from sticking to my new goals, I just need to de-clutter my life. Getting in shape takes a lot of time and effort for me.

Ever since my car accident, I had to become serious about my health, if I wanted to live without pain. It’s been over two years now, and I still need to do my physical therapy to keep up my strength. That was the most challenging year of my life. But through it, I learned a lot. I came to understand that I had never really been ‘in-shape’.
Therapy showed me how to work through pain, and how strong I could be. That experience helped me gain the confidence I needed to start running. I learned how to protect myself from injury, and how to stay strong. And so, after I run I have to do many stretches, strength training, etc. so that I am able to keep running. It can take up half my day to accomplish all these things. And while I love how I feel, it can be very time consuming.

This week has reminded me that taking on new things, means giving up other things. I always want to be superwoman and take on too much. Last night I hit a brick wall. I want to keep running, so I need to rethink my route. Now I just need to spend some time with the Lord, and pray about what I need to let go of. First and foremost, I need to be better about unloading my burdens. I carry so much on my shoulders, and Christ is more than willing to bear it on His shoulders so we don’t have to.

        “Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.’ ” Matthew 11:28

          “But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

Pushing Through The Pain

Working out rewards one with many benefits. But, they do not come easily. You have to push through the sweat and the pain; you have to convince yourself the struggle is worth the end goal. I definitely experienced that this week, in more ways than one. To the right, is a picture of a very proud cyclist who pedaled her way to work. That smile turned to demise the next morning when she pedaled home…..

The day prior, I had taken my children, in the van, to the sitters. My husband likes to have the van while I’m at work because it’s easier to load the kids, perfectly understandable. So I left the van there for him to come and get. I unloaded my bike & trailer, and pedaled to work. The plan was for Mark to ride his bike to the van, and load it inside. The next morning when I got home, I noticed the van wasn’t there!?!?! I immediately felt anger towards Mark for not getting the van, because that meant I needed to go get it! I was also upset because he didn’t tell me, I could have gotten the van on the way home. So, instead of asking Mark why he didn’t get it, I just started expressing my anger….in a very unloving way. He then asked me why I didn’t just bring the van back home and pedal to work from here? I - felt- so - foolish. How could I have not thought of that!?! But instead of admitting he was right, I just focused on the fact that he didn’t tell me.

I had to go get the van right then because Mark had a meeting to get to, and I needed it for a morning appointment. So I unhitched my trailer and left, pedaling with furry. When I arrived and loaded my bike, something occurred to me. If I would have gotten the van on the way home, It would have been a pain to load my bike and trailer. This way I only had to load my bike. Driving back home, I started thinking….what was I really upset about? One- I was upset that my coworker was late getting to work, and two- I was upset that I was too foolish to realize I should have brought the van back home. I was really only upset at myself, and my circumstances. But instead of admitting that, I decided to make it all seem like Mark’s fault. My poor husband apologized, and was genuinely sorry he forgot to tell me. But it was I who needed to apologize.

I know my anger mostly stems from the fact that I can feel so stupid sometimes. After having my children, it has gotten much worse. It just feels like I only have half a brain. This frustrates me to no end, and I ask God, “WHY!?! Why do I have to be this way?” But then I hear a still, small voice say, “You need opportunities to respond in love, and show grace. Just like I do for you.” God’s greatest desire for our lives is to complete the good work He started in us! Life will always give us challenges, there will always be trials. It is how we handle them that makes us who we are.

“….being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” ~Philippians 1:6~

So while running can give us many health benefits, you have to work through the pain to achieve it. Our walk with God gives us many spiritual benefits, but you have to deal with the trials. When I run, I choose to believe that I will become something better. When I trust in God, I choose to live and respond the way that He would, so that I can become more like Christ. Both take a lot of discipline and a lot of heartache. But the end result is so worth it! Or so I can imagine. When I finish the race of life, I want be able to stand before the throne of God and say,

“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”
~ II Timothy 4:7 ~

Perseverance

Day 2 - Week 1 of my running challenge, check! As I heard my alarm sounding at 5:40am I thought, “Do I really need to get up? Does it really matter if I skip a day?” Honestly, if it weren’t for my friend coming to run, I would have said- forget it! Having accountability like that is really the key to any goal or obstacle we may face. How easily I want throw in the towel when things are challenging! I mean come on, giving up after one run is pretty sad, lol. I’m so glad I got out there this morning, we had a great run and I feel much better than my first time around!

I have read studies showing that it takes at least 21 days to form a habit. That doesn’t sound long, but it is when you’re starting something challenging. Meditating on this, made me think of how hard it is to spend time with God on a daily basis. I have gotten away from this, and it can be hard to start up the habit again. But like running, I have found it is very helpful to have accountability in this area. When I tell a friend I want to spend more time reading my Bible and praying, I’m more motivated to do it if I know they will ask me about it. And also like running, talking about your faith journey with others is so encouraging! I do need my alone time with God, but I also need fellowship with other believers! Sharing our struggles and encouraging one another is what gets me through the week.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another….” Hebrews 10:23-25a

I am hoping and praying that God will use my friendships to encourage me in every area of my life. To God be the glory!

The Bread of Idleness

Up and at ‘em! What a beautiful morning to run! Although I didn’t expect it to be so cold at 6:30am, my legs felt like ice, lol. Time to invest in some good leggings! It was so fun running with my friends, and I think it will help me be more motivated to stick with it. Boy was I huffing and puffing this morning, it had been over a week since I had gone on a run. Although, I had also gone on a long bike ride with Mark and the kids the night before, so I was a little worn out anyway.

It was so encouraging to have two friends cheering me on. During our run, I was the monkey in the middle, lol. I preferred it that way. If I happened to trip over my two left feet, I had someone to catch me! All in all, I did pretty good considering how out of shape I'm in, lol. Going home, it was nice to find that my kids were still asleep. I had a few minutes of quite time, and I stumbled upon this verse from Psalm 46:4-5:

"There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day."

Here, God is talking about Jerusalem, but in a sense we are the city. Our bodies are the temple of God in which He dwells! God is within me, He will not let me fall, He will help me at the break of each new day. Great verse to meditate on in the morning!

Speaking of God’s temple, I do a pretty poor job of maintaining it properly. One of the reasons I wanted to start running is because I wanted motivation to eat healthier. I struggle a lot with binge eating, and gluttony. This is a sin that people like to write off, but God makes it clear that it is a sin. I understand that some people have conditions that cause them to gain weight. And some people have very stressful jobs. I have neither. My weight problem stems from laziness, pure and simple. Growing up, I watched tv a lot, and I always coupled it with comfort food. This has been a hard habit to break, and I hate how it controls me. I want to be a Godly wife and mother, like the woman described in this passage:

“She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.” Proverbs 31:27

I always think food will make me happy, but it does just the opposite. It’s like my mother likes to say, “We must eat to live, not live to eat.” She is a very wise woman! One thing I never try enough, is praying about the sin I struggle with. That is the most powerful tool I possess. Not just here or there, but earnestly praying for God to take the desire away from me. I want to be filled with His desires, not my own.

All in all, today was a pretty productive day. I had fun running in the morning, tried to eat healthier, and got a lot done! I'm hoping and praying that training for a 5K will help me to better structure my days. I want to feel happier and be more accomplished; I need to find my joy in Christ, not food.

{Feeling like an Road Warrior!}

To run or not to run....

Running…...a word I use to loathe with every fiber of my being. Growing up I declared myself ‘athletically challenged’, to put it delicately. This frustrated me to no end. I had a very competitive drive and no way to channel it, with the exception of beating my sister at a game of Clue. Going into high school, track was the only 'sport' I seemed qualified to perform. My 'qualifications' were having two feet that could move, lol. But I never tried out because of a bad experience in the 6th grade. I had just started at a new school and the gym teacher decided to take us to the cemetery to run a mile. I was optimistic until I came in second to last…...just ahead of the chubbiest kid in our class. I chalked it up to not being good enough rather than just being out of shape. For me, if I couldn’t win, I didn’t see the point. Needless to say, my desire to run died right there in the cemetery.

So why am I starting this blog? Recently, my family experienced the heartbreaking death of my beloved sister, Nicole. Today, she is buried in that very cemetery. Growing up, every time I would drive past this cemetery, I cringed with memories of defeat and humiliation. To me, it was only a place of death. After my sister was buried, that cemetery took on a whole new light. It was no longer a place of death, but of memories…...for us and many other families who had buried a loved one. It is a place where I bring my children to help them remember their favorite Auntie and talk about all the special times we shared. It is a gentle reminder that our lives are fleeting and every breath counts. It is a place of peace, knowing with full assurance that my sister’s body may lay in the ground, but her soul is with her Savior, Jesus Christ (John 3:16). Nicole ran the race of her Christian faith, and she ran it to the best of her ability. She finished well, she has won her prize at the golden gates of eternity, and a crown of righteousness has been placed upon her head (2 Timothy 5:8). Christ promises us all these things in His Word. And since the passing of my sister, I have realized how desperately I want to finish well.

Since my sister’s passing, I have a new outlook on life and just how precious it is. Nicole lived her life with a great amount of passion. She always knew what she wanted, and she went for it! Even though her life was short, it was very full indeed. In honor of my sister, I will try to live out the rest of my days with that same passion. I want to: live out my faith instead of just talking about it, to support, encourage, and love my husband how Christ loves me, to be engaged in my children’s lives, be present in every single moment, and raise them to be men and women who seek after God. I want to chase my dreams and not worry about failing. Life is a race, but God never intended for it to be a rat race. We must set a goal, train for endurance, pace ourselves, and fuel our mind, body, and spirit with healthy choices. I love this verse from 1 Corinthians 9:24-25.

“Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable.”

God desires for us to live in such a way that every area brings honor to Him. He knows we are not perfect by any means, but when we fall down we need to get right back up and keep running. We need to exercise self-control, which for me is very challenging. That’s what I want to do here. I want to be very open about areas I struggle in, as a means of accountability, and to hopefully encourage others in their walk with Christ. I think this verse from Hebrews 12:1-2a says it best:

“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus…."

I have been thinking a lot lately about how short life is, and how I should strive harder to pursue my dreams. Nicole was always so sweet to encourage me in the things I wanted to do. She was my biggest fan. Earlier this spring I started running with my children. Ironically, I have been surprised by how much I enjoy it. I can just hear Nicole cheering me on, and that is honestly what keeps me going. Nicole always loved walking with me, and I really miss spending time with her. But we have many good memories together. I laugh as I look at this picture of us attempting to 'work out'. As she got older she loved 'Sweating to the Oldies' with Richard Simmons, lol. Good times. Nicole has inspired me to train for a 5K! My good friend Meredith is going to help me start the Couch to 5K program. We’re getting up early tomorrow morning to start, and I’m so excited! I want more energy with my kids. I want to start something and finish it well. I want to run with my husband and be able to keep up! I was even thinking of putting together a 5K event for special needs, in honor of my sister. Who knows;)

(If anyone knows how I could go about that, please let me know;)